Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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