Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Randomize
