just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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