we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
