standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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