You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
