Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
