We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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