genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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