Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
