I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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