all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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