She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
