i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
