yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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