She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize