i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
