there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
