I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
