Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
