If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize