Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize