Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
