maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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