I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
