even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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