3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
