I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
