toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
