Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm getting married
To pizza
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
