I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
