last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
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