dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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