i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
