I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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