Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
