I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
