I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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