Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
