last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
