He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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