that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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