Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
