so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You've changed since you got that strap on
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
