I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize