i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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