So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize