Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize