using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize