How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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