he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
