Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
