Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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