Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
