I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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