She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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