Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
