Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
