There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
