Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
