I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Even the bartender felt bad for me
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
