Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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