I love black thongs
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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