Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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