Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
