How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
