If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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