dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
