maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
