Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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